Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
