Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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