fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
