you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
