Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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