there's paper in my vomit.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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