If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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