Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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