no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
