According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
