There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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