even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
