is your mom at the bar?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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