every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
