Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
