Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She announced her abortion via fbk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
