about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Found your dick twin last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
