she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i barfeds in our rink
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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