You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
