I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
