I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
