You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
