Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
