literally had 100 drinks last night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
