My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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