So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
