I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
