so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
