yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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