Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
