...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
