Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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