I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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