when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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