In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
