are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
