We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
