Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize