just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
