I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
