Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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