He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize