Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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