If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
