im drinking this country out of the recession.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
