She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
