i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Never underestimate the power of titties
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