if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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