No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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