I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
