Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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