Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
