She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
