just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
