girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
