you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
