so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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