I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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