My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
