Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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