I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Green mimosas i think yes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
