I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
