She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
