This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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