then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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