you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
