don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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