No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
