I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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