this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
